Painting allowed me to enter the scene on the canvas. This was a new way into the second world of my imagination, and when I had penetrated the most “ beautiful” part of that world- when the painting was all but done – a strange ecstasy would overtake me. The vision shimmering before me looked real. I would forget that I had painted a Bosphorus scene that everyone knew and loved; this was a wondrous thing of my own imagination. The joy I felt upon finishing a painting was so great that I wanted to touch it, pick out some detail to embrace, even to take it into my mouth, bite it, eat it. If something got in the way of this fantasy, if I did not quite lose myself in my painting, if (as happened more and more often) the first world intruded to ruin my childish game, I’d be overcome by an urge to masturbate.
Orhan Pamuk, Istanbul; Memories and the City (2004)